As a student of life, I never stop learning. I’ve recently completed a couple of 12-week courses that I almost simultaneously started.
The first course was the “Artist’s Way,” which you may have read, perhaps, multiple times and practiced through the book to (re)discover and/or (re)affirm your own creativity. A few weeks after I began the course, synchronicity took me to the other course.
The course was an online course titled, Essential Speaking. The founder and instructor of the course was a psychotherapist, Dr. Doreen Downing. I participated in the course with a couple of classmates who lived in different parts of the globe.
I knew these courses were not aimed to obtain or improve any technical skills. Instead, I hoped these courses to deepen my awareness of being in the present and augment their outcomes by taking them simultaneously.
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In my spiritual life, I’ve experienced many series of practices over years, which have required my solid commitment ranging from a few weeks to several months, focusing on the goal. It all depended on what my goals were. At the end of the practice, however, I most often saw the positive outcomes from the hard work and dedication. In the same way, I wished the outcomes of these 12-week courses be something spiritually uplifting, long-lasting, and beneficial both as a truth seeker and a writer.
But why did I sign up for the courses? What was my goal?
As many of you know my debut memoir, A Sky of Infinite Blue- A Japanese Immigrant’s Search for Home and Self will be published this September. While I was undergoing deep grieving after my husband and partner of 26 and a half years passed away, I began to write. I didn’t
know at the time even if it would work to cope and heal. Little did I know that this process would result in the completion and publication of my debut memoir.
In my book, I describe not only the ongoing grieving for Patrick but also my childhood emotional trauma and how it affected my life. Through the act of writing combined with my spiritual practice, I found myself healing almost all parts of the wounds in the past.
However, while I was digging deep into the memories, I discovered the deepest wound that I’d hidden for the longest time. It is related to my mother, who is still alive in Japan and whom I’ve loved and constantly worried and cared about. I knew it would require a much longer time for that to heal than I’d ever experienced.
I’d begun to practice slowly and very mindfully. While I was courageously excavating many places in the past to find my own truths, which became parts of the book, I was also handling myself as if I were treating the most vulnerable patient of mine in the clinic
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At the beginning of this year, it’d been already five years since the discovery. It took a very long time to get to the point where I clearly saw the door in front of me. I had a firm sense that I was getting close to ending my ongoing practice and that I would be able to transform the remaining residual wound into something joyous by getting through to the other side of the door.
So, I took opportunities to sign up for these courses one after another to see what’d be happening.
During the courses, I’ve written almost every day, more than the anticipated morning two pages by the Artist’s Way, mainly along with the provided weekly questionnaires of the Essential Speaking course.
Fortunately, by the end of eight weeks with the Essential Speaking, and the time almost simultaneously the Artist’s Way was about to close, I had a sense of getting through the door to the other side.
I believe I could use the course materials to the fullest to crystalize the cause of my anxiety, rescue “the little child” that was me in my childhood, find a way to protect her, change the pattern of wounding myself, and reinforce me to stick to a better habit.
When I discovered this wound and began to practice healing five years ago, I thought I would write another memoir about this healing process. But after getting through the door to the other side, I am very happy and comfortable sharing it here on MEDIUM.