Photo by Photoholgic on Unsplash
I am forever on a journey
of finding you, my little girl,
clever, and bright like the sunshine,
who enjoyed running in the garden,
giggling and swung up to the sky.
The girl had always trusted me,
wanting me to hold her in my arms.
But I was living in a duality of my life.
She reminded me of the pains, tears, and
the agonies I’d dwelled with armor.
After I failed my attempt, I wanted
to erase her, the reminder of my shadow.
So I hid the girl deep inside the box,
the old rusty wooden treasure chest,
and sunken it into the deepest ocean trench.
It wasn’t anyone but me who had deserted and
refused to see, hold and cuddle the little girl.
I’d sabotaged the little girl throughout my life.
I’d placed my palms over my ears and only
whispered. Because I was scared.
* * *
It was when I was writing my book*
the box floated buoyantly with bubbles,
the burps of the ocean caused by the shifts
of the ocean plates and the earthquake.
I opened and looked into the wooden chest.
There she was, as tiny and lively as she used to be.
She was clever, genuine, compassionate,
and still as joyful and brilliant as a light.
It became the beginning of my battles.
I’ve tossed my body, moaning, groaning,
and struggling to accept her, the little one.
I’d accepted the shadow of everything before,
whatever had transpired in my life. But why
has taking this little girl with a genuine smile
threatened me, and frightened me to death?
It’s because she is my Essence, Essence of me.
Light—the Essence of the little girl.
Embracing who you truly are requires courage.
* * *
After years of acquiring, I’ve learned to
listen to you, the little girl who is no longer hidden.
She is now busy running around with her dog,
giggling and laughing in her garden, then
she sits next to me, listening to me, smiling.
I’ve learned to listen to you, my little one.
I’ve cultivated the love for your essence, a sparkling light,
as I gently listen to my heart and my voice.
You’ve emerged and then merged into me.
* * *
*My first memoir, “A Sky of Infinite Blue— A Japanese Immigrant’s Search for Home and Self,” is now “pre-orderable” in major bookstores in many countries. Thank you for your warm, heartfelt support, and I am so grateful that my spiritual journey continues as I am a student of life.
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